Christmas is about hope and faith and love and beginnings. Skip the divine, religious parts of Christmas if you must, but remember Christmas the way it is supposed to be: hope in the midst of your darkest hour. Faith that love will come to you, the right love. Not the other woman’s or man’s sloppy seconds. No more leftovers that your lover gives you instead of the passion and the real love that they gave to someone else. A Christmas feast is a lover’s real love for you. It means you get no more leftovers of the love that was stolen from you.

Believe in that.

What will keep you going and give you strength now that he’s left you? Or now that you left him? Simple: love. Put that on your “Why-I’ll-hold-on-just-another-60-seconds-before-I-beat-myself-up” list and read it over and over when you’ve been crying so long and so hard that you can’t feel your feet.

Someone is searching for you, think of it. Someone is out there who has what it takes to love you right and wants nothing more than to find you and love you right.

Your lover who gave up on you? Just think: they are no longer in your way. You owe them none of your love. You don’t have to give an accounting any longer to anyone but you, and certainly not to a faithless lover. They forfeited every single one of your thoughts, your feelings.

There’s a reason many couples have someone read 1 Corinthians 13 in their wedding ceremony. It’s a love checklist. Looking back over his “love,” I realize it was all smoke and mirrors. Every word of his excuses are the opposite of what are in 1 Corinthians 13. His impatience, self-seeking, his secret anger, a running tab of all my flaws, his cowardly lies, his endless excuses and escapes. He says, I didn’t feel love. I was very angry at you. I needed that affair. It was your own fault. I didn’t tell you because it was the right thing to do. You were impossible, hysterical, frigid. You couldn’t handle the truth. And all the time, laughing about what a fool I am. Making fun of me to the students he teaches. [Yeah, he did that: he used to put on a little play for his students in his psychology class to make a point in his lecture, blah blah. He’d ask a grad student beforehand to burst into the classroom and put on a little show and yell at him, “You bastard, you’re never going to leave her, I’m done with you, you asshole!” Yeah, he did that. He actually put on a pantomime of  what happened IRL, her yelling at him for making her think he’d leave me and then not leaving me. This is just one of the ways he dishonored me. I asked him not to do it again. I told him how it hurt. He wouldn’t quit. It had to be on purpose, intentional. It wasn’t some slip or some mistake.]

A real love is in my future, and it’s in yours too.

And whatever your religious or spiritual persuasion, it will be this (so put this on your mental love-is-this list, now):

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. –1 Corinthians 13:4-8New International Version (NIV)

 

 

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